Why I Think Talking is Still the Hardest Thing to Do
We live in a time when mental health is spoken about more openly than ever before. There are campaigns about it. Celebrities discuss it. Workplaces put posters up about it. The conversation, broadly speaking, has shifted — and I think that is genuinely a good thing.
And yet.
In my experience, both personal and professional, actually asking for help remains one of the hardest things a person can do. The conversation has got easier. The asking has not really kept up.
I have thought about why that might be, and I keep coming back to a few things.
These are my opinions, shaped by my own life and my training as a counsellor. Nothing more than that.
I think part of it is the gap between knowing something is okay and feeling like it is okay. Most people now know, intellectually, that talking about mental health is acceptable. That’s an amazing step the world has taken. Finally. Also, that therapy is not something to be ashamed of. Again, another great step, finally. That struggling does not make you weak. We know this. And yet there is often a significant distance between knowing something and being able to act on it, particularly when you are in the middle of something difficult and the part of you that most needs help is also the part that is least able to reach out for it.
I also think … now, hang on. I need to say this. This is a personal observation rather than a clinical one — that we tend to benchmark our own struggles against other people's. To decide that what we are going through is not quite bad enough to warrant support. That other people have it worse. That we should be able to manage.
I could go into lots of theory here and explain various aspects of that paragraph, but this is not the space right now.
So I’ll crack on.
I did this for a long time. I got very good at it.
What I have come to understand — through my own personal therapy, through my training and through conversations with people over the years — is that support is not something you earn by suffering enough. It is not a resource rationed out to those who have reached a particular threshold of difficulty. This is not a computer game. The idea that you need to be at a certain level of struggle before you deserve to talk to someone is, in my opinion, one of the most quietly damaging things we tell ourselves.
Talking to someone — whether that is a friend, a GP, a counsellor, or anyone else for that matter does not require a reason dramatic enough to justify it. Sometimes the reason is just that you have been carrying something alone for a while, and you are tired of it.
That is enough. That is more than enough to warrant support.
I am aware, writing this, that I am a counsellor with a counselling practice. I want to be transparent about that. I am not writing this to funnel anyone towards my services. I am writing it because it is something I genuinely believe — and because I think the permission to reach out, without needing to justify it, is something a lot of people need to hear.
If talking to a professional feels like too big a step right now, that is completely understandable. There are other places to start. The Samaritans are available twenty-four hours a day on 116 123. Mind UK at mind.org.uk has a wealth of information and resources. Your GP is always a reasonable first port of call.
Wherever you start — starting is the thing. And when you take that step, you should be enormously proud of yourself.
Take care, everyone. See you in the next one. :)
This blog reflects my personal views and experiences only. It is not intended as clinical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are concerned about your mental health, please speak to your GP or a qualified professional. In a crisis, please contact Samaritans on 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258. Or call 999 if in the UK and in an emergency.
