Why I Think Talking is Still the Hardest Thing to Do

19 Jul

We live in a time when mental health is discussed more openly than it once was.

There are awareness campaigns. Public figures share their experiences. Workplaces display posters encouraging people to talk. More people are recognising that struggling with their mental health is not something they should have to hide.

I think that change is genuinely important.

And yet, in my personal and professional experience, actually telling somebody that you are struggling can still be one of the hardest things to do.

Talking about mental health as a society has become easier. Asking for help personally can remain incredibly difficult.

Knowing It Is Okay and Feeling It Is Okay

There can be a significant difference between knowing intellectually that asking for help is acceptable and feeling able to do it yourself.

You might readily encourage somebody else to speak to a friend, contact their GP or find a counsellor. You may genuinely believe that nobody should face a difficult time alone.

Applying that same compassion to yourself can be much harder.

Thoughts may appear such as:

Other people have things worse than I do.
I should be able to handle this myself.
I do not want to burden anybody.
What if they do not understand?
What if I cannot explain what is wrong?
What if talking makes everything feel more real?

For some people, previous experiences of not being heard or taken seriously may make reaching out especially difficult. Others may be frightened of being judged, rejected or treated differently.

Sometimes we may not fully understand what we are feeling ourselves. It is difficult to explain something when we do not yet have the words for it.

When We Compare Our Struggles

I spent a long time comparing my difficulties with those of other people.

I became very good at finding reasons why somebody else deserved support more than I did. Other people appeared to have bigger problems, so I told myself that I should simply carry on.

This is a personal observation rather than a clinical rule, but I believe many people minimise what they are experiencing because it does not seem serious enough.

The problem with that approach is that there will almost always be somebody whose circumstances appear worse.

Pain is not a competition. Somebody else’s suffering does not make yours imaginary or unimportant.

You do not have to prove that you have suffered enough before you are allowed to ask for support.

You Do Not Need the Perfect Words

People sometimes believe they need to understand exactly what is wrong before speaking to somebody.

They do not.

A conversation can begin with:

“I haven’t been feeling like myself.”

“I’m finding things difficult at the moment.”

“I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“I think I need somebody to talk to.”

That is enough to begin.

You do not need a diagnosis. You do not need a carefully organised account of everything that has happened. You do not need to disclose anything before you feel ready.

The first step may simply be acknowledging that carrying everything alone has become exhausting.

Who Can You Talk To?

Talking does not always have to mean beginning counselling immediately.

Depending upon your circumstances, you might speak to:

somebody you trust;
a friend or family member;
your GP or another healthcare professional;
a counsellor or psychotherapist;
a specialist support organisation;
a confidential listening service.

Different forms of support serve different purposes. A friend can listen and care about you, while a qualified professional may help you explore patterns, experiences and emotions within an appropriate professional relationship.

A counsellor should not tell you how to live your life or pressure you to reveal things. Counselling can provide a confidential space in which you can begin making sense of what is happening at your own pace.

Starting Can Be the Hardest Part

I am aware that I am writing this as a counsellor who offers counselling services, and I want to be transparent about that.

I am not saying that everybody needs counselling, nor am I suggesting that my service will be suitable for every person.

I am writing this because I understand how difficult asking for help can feel. I also believe that people deserve the opportunity to be heard without first having to justify why they are struggling.

If approaching a professional feels like too large a step, begin somewhere smaller.

Write down what you would like to say. Send a message to somebody you trust. Ask your GP for an appointment. Look at the information offered by a reputable mental-health organisation.

You might not feel completely ready. Sometimes beginning simply means deciding that you no longer want to manage everything alone.

Wherever you begin, taking that first step is something of which you should be proud.

Finding Support

For non-urgent support, you can contact your GP or look for an appropriately qualified counsellor or psychotherapist.

Mind provides information about mental health, available support and ways of seeking help:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/

Samaritans can be contacted free at any time, day or night, by calling:

116 123

You do not have to be suicidal to contact Samaritans.

If you would prefer to communicate by text, people in the UK can text:

SHOUT to 85258

If you need urgent mental-health support in England, call NHS 111 and select the mental-health option. Arrangements differ elsewhere in the UK, so consult the appropriate NHS service for your nation.

If you or somebody else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

Important Information

This article reflects my personal views and experiences and provides general information only. It is not intended as clinical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

My counselling service is not an emergency or crisis service. If you need immediate or urgent assistance, please use the appropriate emergency or crisis-support options listed above.

Take care of yourself, and I will see you in the next one.